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There must be some
indication that the blood has come from her womb; if
she finds a stain just after cutting her finger, she
does not become a niddah, as
the blood is obviously not uterine.
If she finds blood on
her underclothing, and she does not know if it is
from a cut or from her womb, she needs to check with
someone who knows the relevant laws such as a
learned rabbi who studied the sections of niddah in the Talmud and the Shulkhan Arukh.
Knowledge of these laws is essential for rabbis -
without it they cannot attain ordination.
Jewish law states that a women enters the state of "tameh"
when she is "niddah" (menstruating). During this
time a couple refrains from physical contact,
especially sexual relations. Technical terms like "tahor"
and "tameh" are often poorly translated; they have
nothing to do with physical cleanliness. Rather,
they describe a state of ritual purity in regards to
fulfilling Biblical commandments. The terms Tahor
and Taharah actually mean "ritually pure" and Tamae
and Tumah mean "ritually impure".
What it is "not"
Being niddah might
mean "exclusion" (or, according to one commentator:
"obstruction of normal function"), it is certainly
not regarded as "negative" in any other way.
Although there is no physical contact between the
partners, the time can serve to develop a more
emotional relationship that extends beyond
sexuality.
In religious philosophy, the laws of Niddah are
referred to as "a hedge of roses" (Song of Songs 7:3
as interpreted by Midrash Shir ha-Shirim Rabba 7:7).
There is certainly a separation (hedge) but it is of
a pleasant nature, and the reunification after the
mikvah can (and should be) romantic.
Need for Tahara - "purity"
A woman is a niddah
until she undergoes taharah ("purification"). The
taharah process involves a minimum of twelve days,
most often thirteen. These are divided into two sets
of time, the "first five days", and "seven days of
taharah", after which she must immerse properly in a
mikvah (ritual bath).
A woman who does not go through the taharah process
cannot become tahor ("pure", the "opposite" state
from niddah), even if an extended period of time has
elapsed since her last period.
However, it may happen that if she swam in a lake,
river, or the sea, which are all good as natural
mikvahs then she becomes tahor until her next
menstrual period. Again, consultation with a rabbi
is required to determine if this is sufficient.
Guiding marital relations
Any act that could
lead to sexual relations whilst a woman is a niddah
is forbidden according to the Torah and rabbinic
law. Since a husband and wife are very accustomed to
being physically intimate with each other, therefore
they must take great care during the time the woman
is niddah. They must relate completely on a
non-physical level. Traditionally, they do not hug
or kiss each other, or even pass each other items
from hand to hand. These laws are termed "harchakot"
("spacers"), to ensure "one thing will not lead to
another".
Calculation of the niddah period
The first five days
begin when a woman first sees her monthly vaginal
blood flow. She counts from the beginning of the
flow, and continues until the flow stops. If it
takes less than five days for her flow to stop, she
still has to wait until five days are over. Even if
she saw blood for only one day, she must wait five
days until she can begin the seven-day taharah
("purification") process. The five days need not be
complete five days. The first day might start in the
middle of the day, if she first saw her flow in the
afternoon. But whenever they began, they end on the
night after the fifth day.
If she sees blood for more than five days, the "five
days" end when she has definitely stopped seeing
blood. Once she has stopped seeing blood, she can
begin the count of the "Seven White Days". "Stopped
seeing blood" means that she has stopped seeing
either a flow of blood or stains on her clothing
completely. These days begin when the woman, before
sunset, takes a shower or bath, and cleans herself
thoroughly, everywhere. She then waits a few
minutes, and inserts a cloth and checks herself at
the opening of her vagina with her finger. If it
comes out clean, then the next day is the "first
day" of the "Seven White Days". During this period,
the woman must check herself twice a day: when she
gets up, and just before sunset.
Checking with a white cloth
Checking is done
with an absolutely clean piece of white cloth.
Often, such cloths are available at the local
mikvah. The woman first checks the cloth very
carefully to make sure it is clean of any marks. She
then places her finger in the center of the cloth,
and allows the cloth to wrap around her fingers, and
the pushes the cloth so that every surface inside
her vagina is touched by the cloth. She removes the
cloth, and checks it very carefully. If it comes out
free of any mark, it is good. If the cloth has a
mark, she looks at the color. A red or black mark
means there is still discharge of blood. White or
very pale yellow is not a problem. Colors like
brown, dark yellow, gold, and pink, are very
problematic.
Traditional women would then bring the cloth to the
rabbi most learned and qualified in this area of
Jewish law and practice, who examines the cloth and
is then able to determine whether it is Niddah blood
or not. Not even all Orthodox Judaism rabbis have
the special training that allows them to make this
determination, and they will defer to someone else.
Traditionally, during these days, the woman should
wear white underwear and uses white bed linens. Of
course, any staining during this period is watched
for as it may revert the woman back to "day one" of
her becoming a niddah.
Immersing in the mikvah
When the Seven
White Days are over, that night, the woman goes to
the mikvah. This is the same day of the week the
"Seven White Days" began. To prepare for the mikvah,
after checking, the woman takes a bath, followed by
a shower, and other careful preparations. She cleans
and cuts all her nails, both finger and toe, as well
as making sure there is no food between her teeth.
She cleans her ears, and every body cavity. She
removes all makeup, and combs her hair completely.
Many women take the bath at home, and do the
follow-up shower at the mikvah.
When going to the mikvah, she may not have anything
between her and the water at any part of her body.
Therefore she must remove all jewelry, makeup, and
things regarded as "obstructions". There is usually
a woman attendant at the mikvah to help the woman
check that she is ready to immerse. During the
immersion, the woman makes sure that she is
completely immersed (including all hair). There are
appropriate blessings said.
Resuming conjugal relations
The woman then
returns home, and informs her husband that she is
now in the tahora ("purified") state. Sexual marital
relations are then permitted (in fact, tradition
dictates they occur that night). Biologically
speaking, the best night to conceive is usually
"mikvah night", as it often coincides with the
woman's ovulation. The sperm count of her husband is
increased during the abstinence and by the time of
self-restraint, which improves the chances of
successful pregnancy.
Other separation days
Torah law also
forbids sexual relations on the day that a woman
expects her period, called her veset. She should
know when to expect her period by keeping a careful
record. On three days the veset is in force: on the
same day of the month since the start of her period,
30 days after the last period, and a third one (to
follow). Generally, these more-or-less coincide,
unless a woman's period is often longer than 30
days.
Other related traditions
Traditionally, a
vital factor of the Laws of Family Purity is the
concept of tzeniut (meaning "modesty" or "hiddenness").
A woman's personal matters are nobody's business but
hers, her husband's when he needs to know, her
doctor's, and her Rabbi's when and if the rabbi
needs to know. Women do not discuss these matters
with others, nor are private bedroom matters
supposed to be the subject of jokes or light
conversation.
Reasons for the niddah laws
The traditional
view has been that these are "Laws of Holiness", and
serve to elevate the physical to the highest
spiritual level. It takes a physical aspect and adds
holiness to it, using the physical for spiritual
gain. As society has rediscovered the importance of
spirituality, these laws are being rediscovered, and
are even being adopted, to varying extents, by the
progressive movements in Judaism.
Sex in Judaism
In Judaism, marital
relations are considered to be a gift from God. They
are neither shunned nor avoided. However, they are
not debased either. Rather, Judaism provides a way
to use sex to elevate the human being. By following
self-control and discipline that can lead to
holiness. During the time that a man and woman are
forbidden to have sexual relations in traditional
Judaism, they are forced to relate to each other in
non-physical ways. They must see each other in other
terms, and develop their relationship with each
other on a spiritual and emotional level. |
